That name is the name of someone I know.

Have you ever felt as if everything around you is slowly falling apart but all you can do is watch it consume you?

That name reminds me that there was a time that I lived a "Normal life," that if everything, if everything didn't go the way it went, everything would've suddenly been much better.

Now, that name only makes me angry, it only makes me envious that, that image of "Normal" persists and that isn't the way things actually are. It was all for nothing. I used to hope that would've been for something, that somehow, everything could've been fixed, everything would actuate themselves back to their supposed positions, everything would feel "Normal" again. But no, It was all for nothing anyways.

Everything is falling apart, and I'm sitting on the front row seat, watching and waiting for everything to crash and burn to the ground. Yes, all I can do is watch and wait. It's the best thing I can do to keep myself continuing on.

Let's say ten or twenty years from now, I get the sudden feeling and whim to remember everything that happened. Would I look back and regret the things I had done? The things I had not? I'm scared of the thought. It feels like I'm trying to ask questions from the future and at the same time demanding the answers right away. Heh... would you look at me. I'm trying to talk to my future self and I feel lonely doing it alone. I'm scared then that I should've done things or shouldn't have, or both. I'm scared to have to regret it ten or twenty years from now. In a video game okay?